


First love, first pain, first experience.

by Leszlo



Category: Original Work
Genre: Bisexual Female Character, F/F, Falling In Love, Female Characters, First Love, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Humor, Friendship/Love, Lesbian Character, Love, Relationship(s), Sad, Sad Ending, Unrequited Love, date
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-20
Updated: 2019-02-20
Packaged: 2019-11-01 06:25:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,112
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17862056
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Leszlo/pseuds/Leszlo
Summary: This is a story about two girls falling for each other, but their wish for being in a relationship is getting unrequited.The two characters in this story are Vivian and Lyssi, which are my OCs.Please ask me in advance before using them in one of your works.





	First love, first pain, first experience.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, my name's Les and I'm new in the business of writing stories/fanfictions.  
> This is my first story aka original work ever, so my apologies if it isn't the best one you've read so far.  
> I'm trying to improve regularly, so watch out for more incoming works!
> 
> Short character description:
> 
> Vivian (short Vivi) is a stern, but kind and understanding personality. She's mostly introverted, so doesn't talk much to others, but it always open to help out anyone in need. Her origin is a mixture of german, romanian, and polish. She dresses rather comfortable and simple: Hoodies, shirts, jogging pants and so on, as long as it contains the color red or black in it somehow. Also, her favorite things ever are the english language, games and singing. She also has a cat with the name Luna.
> 
> Lyssan (short Lyssi) is a funny and caring personality. She loves her family and romantic movies more than anything else. She's an outgoing person, and has a lot of friends. She adores dogs and has got 3 of her own. She enjoys doing all kinds of sports, and is a bookworm. Her origin is a mixture of german and american. She's got a crazy clothing style and dies her hair on a regular basis. Her favorite things are romance movies + anime, ballsports and taking her dogs out.

" _Ouch-_ !" I said while falling on my butt for probably the sixth time within the last thirty minutes. My friend, Lyssi, tried to help me get up again, while watching out to not get in the way of other people cruising around behind us, and me not falling down onto the slippery ice again. She was laughing her ass off yet again. "Hey, you alright? I hope your butt isn’t broken already." she said while reaching her hand out for me and trying to pick me up again. "Yeah, I guess.. though I can’t feel my ass at all anymore honestly!" I said, annoyed. Lyssi looked at me with a wide smile on her face. "Naw, come on man! I know this is like only your second time going out for ice skating, but isn’t this still fun?" She chuckled. "At least you have someone helping you to get up again." she said in a teasing tone. I huffed and put on my I-know-this-is-funny-but-I-wanna-look-mad- face while trying to get up on my shaky legs again.

Lyssi, which I met on a class trip to London, went to an ice hockey team when she was younger. That's why she already has got experience with ice skating and is way faster and more stable than me. I admit it didn't bother me much, but falling down on your butt or driving into the protection walls every five minutes, not being able to finish a single lap within ten minutes, made me a bit upset. Though, the part I enjoyed most is that Lyssi took my hand and tried to guide me over the route without bumping into someone else. I don't get easily embarrassed or shy, but in that moment I felt my ears heat up and turn red.

In fact, this is what this story is about. I love Lyssi, even though we're both girls. I've only known her for about a few months since we first had a conversation in London, and immediately fell in love with her. There are a few difficulties about this though. First, did I never really love anyone before, since love was never much of my business. Actually, I hated seeing all those couples making out in front of me and in the school halls. And the second “problem” is, that we're both girls. I mean, I know she's bisexual, since I asked her when we went to choir classes a while ago. And I already confessed to my family that I'm a lesbian, since I've always felt more drawn to girls than to boys. With how pretty they look, and their adoring personalities and the way they care for people and waaaaay more points I could mention. And surprisingly, they accepted me the way I am, which you normally are the most scared about. If your family will just end up abandoning you or even worse. In my case, they were glad I told them, and I was too. Anyways, though we were both okay with dating a girl, it was still hard for me to imagine dating someone, especially a girl. Even though society is a bit more chill with homosexuality and the whole LGBT+ topic nowadays, at least where I live, I still couldn't imagine myself taking out a girl, kissing and holding hands when we're outside, since I knew we'd still get some concerned or weird looks by other people. Though we're both pretty ignorant people, so we wouldn't really care, it still made me think about being in a relationship with a girl a lot. Also, since I haven't had a single relationship before, and I'm a pretty introverted person, I'm a huge newbie when it comes to being close to anyone, and having physical contact such as kissing and cuddling and everything else. God, living is exhausting at some points. But with Lyssi, I always felt pretty comfortable. I invited her to a movie night before, where we watched some silly adventure and horror movies, and even cuddled in my bed. I felt really nervous at first, but she said she liked it so I was kind of relieved for the first time in my life. And even now I'm still comfortable with her being at my side. Us holding hands, giving each other hugs, talking endlessly with each other, doing silly things and more fun stuff never bothered me, in fact, I enjoyed it a lot and it made me beyond happy.

Now, long story short: I wanted to ask her if she wants to be my girlfriend.  
  
I thought it wouldn't be too difficult, y'know just going for it, making it a little romantic and all, and just hoping for her to say yes and us being together for the next 10 years and beyond. But no, even though I'm usually a pretty calm and serious person, I was nervous **AS FUCK**. At some point she asked me if I was freezing since I was shaking a bit, and she knows I never feel cold whatsoever. But instead I was shaking because I was just too excited thinking about us going on a "date" and me asking her out and thinking about what to say and toooooo much other things at once. Of course I didn’t mention anything about it, I just told her "Nah, I'm fine. No need to worry, silly." I remember her looking at me suspiciously, but then just going along with it. I swear I'm such a huge mess when it comes to her. She's just such a beautiful and funny girl. I love her creative thoughts she shares with me, her cute laughter and smug smiles. She's just so perfect. And today was the day I want to tell her all of that and admit my love to her. Though right now, was still not the perfect moment.

I actually ended up daydreaming for too long, and just heard her saying in the distance "Helloooo? Earth to Vivian? Anyone there?" I snapped back out of my mind and stuttered. "O-oh yeah, I'm cool. I was just thinking about some stuff." I tried to say in a confident tone, which thankfully worked out fine. "Oh? Wanna tell me about it?" she asked me with a smug grin on her face yet again. God I loved that smile, but I had to be serious for this time, and not the gay mess I always am. "Nah, it's fine. Maybe some other time." I said, hoping she would just leave it there and not push me any further to tease me with her curiosity. Before she was about to answer, I quickly asked "Soo, uhh.. you still wanna finish that lap and then take a break? I can’t feel my legs and feet anymore." She visibly pouted, which also looked too damn adorable,  and answered back "Whyyy? We haven't even finished 5 laps yet, and you're already exhausted? Are you made out of pudding or what?" She frowned and let go of my hand. "Geez, no need to be mean you bully." I rolled my eyes but huffed. I missed the feeling of her warm hand already. "Y'know I'm not really used to ice skating, and I'm just a bit exhausted right now. C'mon, we'll finish this lap and then sit down for a few minutes on the bench, alright?" First she was unsure about it, but then she sighed, took my hand again and guided us to the next available bench she saw. I was smiling while holding hands with her again, and thank god she wasn't seeing it. If she did I would've just smashed my head into the ice ground and hope to die on the spot.

Well, after we sat down onto the bench, we talked to each other about random topics again, like we always did, went back onto the track, finished about 10 rounds in the end, and then called it an end for the day. We switched to our normal boots again, gave back the equipment we lend from the business, and went back outside. Everything about my body ached. I felt my legs being really sore and barely being able to walk normally. When we walked out of the hall, I recognized something surprising. Even though it was mid-December, there wasn't any snow, nor was it really cold outside. Which was kinda sad, because I enjoyed the cold a lot, and I could tease Lyssi by bombarding her with many snowballs and dunking her head in snow. I told her I'd call my uncle really quick to ask him if he could pick us up and drive us back home. He said it'd take a few minutes, and told him he could gladly take his time with it.

After I ended the call with him, I saw Lyssi sitting down on a nearby bench and staring into the distance, looking at the city, illuminated in all the bright lights, being able to see all those massive buildings and famous attractions the city offered. She continued with gazing at the night sky, which was filled with plenty of bright stars. It was really beautiful, I even recognized that I haven't seen the city and night sky in a long time, since we both don't live here. I sat down next to her, looked at her face for a brief moment, which had a calming look on it, and then starred along with her at this breathtaking view. We sat there for a good few minutes, not saying anything. Just enjoying the view, and each others company. I thought at that moment, that I've never been this calm before in my entire life. I'm used to feeling anxious about anything, no matter where or with whom I was with.   
  
But at this specific moment, I felt so relaxed and at peace with myself and my mind, I could've just closed my eyes and fallen asleep. But of course that would've been rude towards Lyssi. After a few minutes, my uncle texted me, saying that he'd almost be there to pick us up. I told Lyssi to go to the parking lot with me to wait there. Suddenly, after we walked to the parking lot, there was this intimate moment, where I hugged her from behind, laid my head on her shoulder and closed my eyes while smiling a bit. She enjoyed it and returned the favor by tilting her head to mine so we could enjoy each other's warmth and listen to the silent breathing we shared while still being quiet, not dropping a single word. Just us quietly chuckling sometimes. Shortly after that moment, my uncle arrived and we jumped into his car and made ourselves comfortable in the back seats. Lyssis hands were freezing, since this girl of a dork forgot to bring her winter gloves with her, so she reached out for mine and we held hands for the whole car ride long. We didn't say much, except how much fun we had and how many times I fell onto my butt and how hard Lyssi had to laugh so it almost sounded like some hard wheezes. 

Then suddenly a thought shot through my mind. "Fuck, you forgot to ask her out! You dumbass, what are you gonna do now???" I panicked a bit and was clueless on what to do now. I couldn't think of any other possibilities in the sudden moment. So after we dropped Lyssi off to her house and my uncle dropped me off to mine, I decided to confess to her via a text message. I really hated doing something like that, but I couldn't wait. I couldn't just sleep through another night, having to deal with this heavy urge to spill out all my thoughts and feelings for her already. But before I even had the chance to say anything, she texted me first instead. I was thinking that she'd maybe just say something like "It was a really fun day!" or anything similar. But when I opened the message, my heart froze for a moment. It read "Hey, might it be that you're crushing on someone or anything like that?" with a thinking emoji. I was visibly confused and didn't know what to say. Didn't I show enough signs of me liking her or anything? After thinking for a few seconds, I answered her with "Well, yeah, I do like _someone_ specific. Why are you asking?" While waiting for an answer, I changed into some more comfortable clothes and laid down in bed. Not wasting much time, her following message said "I see. And might that specific someone by any chance be.. _me?_ " Being honest, I had to look at that message about three times to realize if she's just joking around now or not. Like, we've been this close to each other for a while now, and you're asking me that? I was feeling even more lost now, so I decided to just answer with a simple "Yes.." for now. Even though I told myself to express my feelings for her in a better way, I suddenly couldn't say anything more. Waiting for her to answer back was like the worst time for me. Even though we both spent so much time together, I wasn't fully confident in her liking me back. I've always been having doubts about me. No matter if it's about my looks, my personality or anything else. I doubted myself almost all the time, so I wouldn't be surprised if all of a sudden she wouldn't really like me back.

But what I read in her next message, kinda shocked me. It said "I recognized it. I admit, I also like you a lot, but we can't be together. I'm really sorry." After reading those words, I felt like dying immediately. I was glad she liked me back, but I couldn't accept her saying that we can't be together. If she really likes me, then it can't be me who's the issue here. So I hectically answered back with "Wait, what do you mean? What's the issue?" I was so helpless on what to do in this situation, except just waiting for her answers. I was so happy at first, that I got to know her and that we grew together so fast and happily. And now she said we can't be together?   
  
I really hoped for it to be a joke, but I know she wouldn't joke about such things like dating and love and similar topics. My phone vibrated after a few minutes and I unlocked it quickly. "Well, first of, there's nothing wrong with you. I really like you for who you are. You're a nice person and I could easily imagine myself being together with you. But there's a problem with my family..." For a quick moment I thought her family would hate me, and I was so concerned about myself being a bad person. But the message wasn't finished yet. "My family and I are not really happy with living here anymore. We're probably planning to move away next year, maybe in summer or earlier when we've got luck on our side. My family is really important to me, and lately we're all just feeling down, stressed and unhappy with everything. We're planning on moving far away from here, and I can't imagine myself being happy with a long distance relationship. I really like you, but I can't live with that. I'm so sorry."

I put away my phone, and felt my heart aching. I couldn't believe what I just read right now. For the first time, a girl falls for me and I fall for her, but then this issue appears out of nowhere. I thought if she would've told me earlier, we could've still found a solution to this, why didn't she tell me this before? Is it my fault now that we can't be together? I had all those negative thoughts in my mind, I believed I would just break apart. I felt my eyes watering up a bit, even though I never cry. I felt emotionless, just empty and with no insight on this at all. For the first time I let someone come close to me, just so they can disappear out of my life again all of a sudden. Why do I have no luck about anything? I kept having those selfish thoughts while ignoring her other incoming texts. I just wanted to disappear, forget about everything and just continue my old and boring life, being too cautious and afraid to talk to anyone besides my family and closest friends. But eventually, I stopped crying and read through her other messages again. She said that it's okay if I'm upset and don't want to talk again, she'd accept it and not bother me anymore. Also that she's unsure about when she'd actually move away, but that it won't take much time, so trying to build up any kind of further connection now would just hurt more in the end. Reading those messages made my heart and mind go numb. I decided to put my phone away, and just go to sleep.

After all that chaos, everyday I saw her at school, I just tried to avoid her. We never really talked again, just gave each other a few looks, just to quickly avoid eye contact again, since it was really awkward. Even after me graduating in summer, we didn't talk much anymore. She only texted me, saying how happy she is for me and that she hopes I'll get a nice job or aim for higher education. After some time had passed, I decided to go to college and then find a nice job. Now, the irony behind all this is, that it wasn't her who moved away in the end, it was me who changed places. I didn't move far away, just closer to college, but it was still quite a bit if I wanted to visit her again sometime. I was upset about that, since that means we could've still been together, but now the chance is gone. In the end, I didn't have any feelings left for her, and moved on, even though it was a bit hard for me. Sometimes I also wondered about if she forgot about me or our memories. Or if she has found someone else, someone better than me.

But even if all those memories were silly or exhausting or even bad at some points, she was the first true love I felt in my life, and I don't regret it a single moment.

 

_ (to be continued ???) _

**Author's Note:**

> This is the end of my first story. If you want a second part on this, tell me in the comments! I'm planning on writing more original stories or actually ones about already existing relationships. If you've got any feedback, let me know! :)


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